writing assignment evaluation ...

"this is paradise"-- lewis and clark

Hi Diallo,
I like your opening paragraph. The rest of it reads well, too. I have really taken to Waldo, his modesty—and how he bumbles into things. A great character.
There are just a few corrections [in these brackets], nothing much.
There is a lot of narrative and although it's interesting, just remember that sometimes a lot of narrative can cause a reader to skip read. Sometimes you can pare it a bit and then insert the information within dialogue elsewhere in the story. I like your characters' names. You describe all your characters well. Well-described action scene, too.
If you have mentioned real people after doing research on this, it might be an idea to mention your research sources at the end of the book. Some readers whose interest is piqued might like to read those research books themselves. Just an idea. Often I've read a historical novel and then searched for the books the author has used, wanting to read more about the historical events she or he has drawn from.

I like a lot about this and I have enjoyed reading your work these past weeks.

I wish you all the best with your writing, Diallo.

Ce

thankyou Ce for all you kindness and encourgement. the characters and names from these scenes are all of fictional people who just "popped into my head" from all the books , tv shows and films i've ingested as a kid .

young people don't believe me when i say it , but back when i was a kid it seemed that almost every night on prime time tv there was at least one show set in the old west ,or during world war two ,or was about some " private eye" .

this may be why the western / frontier genre has an appeal for me . thanks again ,

D

now, all i have to do is find something to write about that other people might actually want to read . ; 0 )