"terri's loves--the inevitable avalanche of innocuous sin"

and then one day it just happened--my whole life changed . existence as i had known it would never be the same. andy was going over our bank statement one night and yelled upstairs for me to come down and look at something . he was furious--at first i was wondering if it was something that the kids or i had done , but it wasn't me or the kids that he was angry at .

the bank had made an error in our checking account and we had $1.42 less than we should have had in that account. andy was livid --he showed me two other statements from the bank that were incorrect . one for $1.06 too much and another for $0.38 too little--and all within the last 27 months.

he was livid --he hated sloppy accounting . he told me we were taking our money out of that checking account .

the very next day i was to go to the colombia savings and loan --a new little bank on 25th and Central to start an account --he explained that he had to meet important clients and might have to stay late at work --so i was volunteered for the task.

i thought i'd pop over there real quick as soon as they opened and get it done because it's only a few blocks from my job --you could walk there and back in less than five minutes .

i had been at work more than an half hour early any way and as usual getting things done-- so what could bob say ? if you're always at work early , you figure they owe you a favor when you need one. i asked and bob said , 'sure - go ahead' , but what i walked in to made me wish i hadn't asked .

i was there less than two minutes--'the first customer of the day ‘ was how the manager had greeted me smiling and all--very friendly man with a very kind smile , i thought.

i was about to say good morning to him when all of a sudden they came rushing in wearing business suits and black ski-masks. it was a holdup . they were actually robbing the bank. the poor little manager --he was terrified --i think he had an accident and wet himself a bit--either that or he was sweating a lot down there.

they punched the poor man in his face and then one of them even started beating him with the gun --you know--pistol whipping him.

it was totally unnecessary because he kept saying he would cooperate--maybe they couldn't hear him because they were so carried away with adrenaline and he was sort of whimpering at the time.



you know of course , the thing to do is to always stay as calm as possible in these kind of situations . the robbers were just yelling and cursing --i mean saying really filthy things .

the teller--it was still early and it's a small branch so other than the manager , she was there all by herself --the poor girl was obviously quite pregnant and just wasn't loading the money fast enough for them .

her hands were shaking so badly that the money was falling out of them . she was dropping stacks of money and crying and all the while-- pleading with them not to hurt her.

finally one of the robbers dragged the little manager with him behind the counter to take her place but he wasn't much better-- fumbling around with the cash drawers .

the second robber --i think he was in charge -- he yells something to warn the other one like , ' he's trying to hit the alarm switch !'

so the other robber wallops him really hard in the face with the gun and the poor little man just drops to the floor --like a sack of nickels--the manager is sprawled out on the floor. you don't know if he's dead or what , but i think i can see that he's still breathing a little.

by then the pregnant girl is just absolutely hysterical crying and trembling , 'please don't hurt me --please don't hurt me--please don't hurt me'. the robber yells at her --i mean it's more like he snarls like a wild animal--'shut up bitch or i'll put one through your head --shut up bitch or you're dead !'

what are you supposed to do? nobody was really in charge. It was total chaos and pandemonium --all you could think from watching tv movies was that the police would be here in less than 3 minutes --these men were obviously crazy-- on drugs maybe --a shootout would ensue and we'd all be killed.

at first you’re petrified , but looking at that poor girl's face --she was beyond simple fear and into pure panic --she was so scared she couldn't even think anymore --she was beyond the comprehension of language level --he could yell at her all day and she'd just sit there on the floor quivering and crying .you knew that she probably couldn't even respond anymore to what they were saying --she was so completely paralyzed with terror the threat of shooting her meant nothing--it probably couldn’t even register in her brain --her mind was on overload and had shut down--it was as if fear had made her mind snap --like an insanity --like a break down--almost to where she was no longer an intelligent woman but just a blubbering incoherent child on the floor.

the robber seemed like his brain was on 'stuck' too--he seemed to think that if he yelled loudly enough at her --it would sink in or something --so he kept waving the gun in her face and saying he was going to kill her.

despite your own fear , you realize you had to do something to get those men out of there --or else the police would come --the shooting would start and we all would die --common sense would tell anybody this .

so you made up your mind --or it was more like circumstances made it up for you.

my legs walked forward . one of ski masks turned around and his mouth fell open like he'd seen a ghost approaching him. he put his gun right in my face --with that big black hole almost between my eyes and said "i'll fucking kill you , lady ".

but i just think i may have ignored him because now HIS hand was shaking after my voice quietly told the pregnant girl to please stop screaming so much because otherwise she was going to wake the baby.

she froze too and just stared at me with her mouth still open --both of them like idiots looking at you as if you had lost your mind --when it was these same two , who were screaming and yelling like raving idiots just moments before.

so while they just stood there like dummies, i gathered up the money from the cash drawers--it wasn't that much --maybe fifteen thousand --couldn't have been more than 20 at the most--if it was even that much. there wasn't enough time to be sure . i put it all in the sack for them and told them they should hurry up and leave before the police arrive.

they look at you like you are the one who's crazy while they stand around doing nothing --just wasting time --waiting so long they could have gotten tickets for loitering . If you're going to do something --at least do it halfway right. they were going to get us all killed so something had to be done .you probably know by now that i hate inefficiency.

then after that is when things started to get a little surreal--if you know what i mean .

the bank manager is on the floor unconscious--the pregnant teller is on the floor in her pink maternity dress with her legs wide apart and her knees drawn up --so you could see EVERY where the sun doesn't shine and she's just holding her belly rocking back and forth going, "shhhhh...shhhhh" to the baby -- like she had really had a nervous breakdown . you know one of the ski mask men was actually looking under the poor girls dress !

now the one ski mask man is shaking so badly the other one has to push him towards the door so they can leave .

the other one grabs me by the wrist and pulls me with them as they leave but i was so worried about the poor pregnant girl sitting there rocking with makeup running all down her face --so i said before i left, " sweetie ,the baby's gonna catch cold if you leave the windows up too long ". i think she got it because as i was being pulled out of the door the last thing you could see was her adjusting her dress --trying to cover up--a little.

when we got outside , the other one --he was the calmest so you'd figure he must have been in charge--looks around-- sees that no one is really noticing anything and he gets a 'brilliant' idea . he hands me the bag with the money --they make me get in their car--they get down low in the back seat of the car and i have to drive for them while they tell me where to go .

while we drive he's right behind me with the gun watching me , watching the street and fumbling through my purse and i'm wondering if he thinks i may have pocketed some of the bank money?

i can see him through the rearview mirror while he keeps reassuring me that 'if you cooperate' and do as they say you won't be harmed--"lady,you won't get hurt --all you'll get is an interesting story to tell your family" .

i couldn't help but think to myself --"terri ,you're doing all the work here--and all you get is "an interesting story? something's wrong with this picture ."

we drive for maybe five --ten minutes through morning traffic and no one pays us any mind --no sirens --nothing . we see one police car ,but he's giving directions to somebody obviously lost and we slip right past .

finally 'ski mask' tells you to pull into a parking lot near the train station . we take a ticket from the machine --the yellow gate goes up and we pull all the way to the rear where there's no one around and not as many cars.

you begin to think again about the way he was looking under the pregnant girl's dress while she had her legs spread open and propped up --and then , for the first time , you wonder what they might do to you .

he reaches up and shuts off the engine and takes the keys. i can't see his face but his eyes

look cold and brown .

Very cold and there's an un-nerving hardness to them , but his mouth is the exact opposite . his lips are full ,sensuous --not thin -not cruel and when he speaks you can see that his teeth are very well cared for-- near perfect except for the two lower incisors which are tilted slightly in the wrong direction --like my daughter lorena's were before the braces .

around the mouth, through the hole in the mask you can see the emerging "5 o'clock shadow" of dark brown stubble .

you start to tell him that you haven't seen their faces and won't say anything to the police , but it's almost like he reads your thoughts and says "we're not going to hurt you , you can't identify us --but we can identify you--terri", he says my name as he looks at my driver's license . "so think carefully what you say to the police".

and then he smiles at you almost pleasantly--a nice smile . a very nice smile. he must takes special care of his teeth , you tell yourself because they are quite white and an old and very heavy smell of tobacco hangs on his clothing and his breath --but the teeth are smooth and bright and except for those two lower teeth --perfectly even . they don't look anything like a smokers teeth .

then he ties your hands with the shoulder strap to your purse and blindfolds you with your own blue rain scarf .

part of you tells yourself he's going to shoot you , but you hear him laugh again--not a mean laugh --more mischievous than cruel-- as he tells you to "count slowly to 1000--no make that 10,000-- before you yell for help and start trying to get loose".

then you can smell the old tobacco much closer and feel his body heat . you can sense he's close --suddenly you feel a tingling sensation rushing through --a kiss --slightly moist on your lips--it’s surprises you --shocks you--really --soft and puzzling , but also a little eerie in a way and then he whispers , "good bye ,terri --it's been a pleasure" .

You hear the car door open as they get out .the door closes --no gunshot to the head that you half expected -- so they leave and you wait and then you yell your ass off.